decisions

' The more you love

your decisions,

the less you

need others to 

love them.'

my entire life, i have looked for the approval of others.  i recognize that a lot of the decisions i have made throughout my life have been for others and not fully for myself-  even if they are things that i truly wanted, i still hoped that others would recognize, support and approve.  i care a lot about what other people think, i don't like to say what is really on my mind for fear of "rocking the boat" or hurting someone's feelings, i say yes to things i really don't want to do because i feel like i should and i don't want to be thought poorly of for saying no, i worry about doing things "right" and making decisions that others would approve of.  never before has this been more apparent to me than now - as i am in this new adventure of being a mom.  i am seeing now, more than ever, that this is not the way i want to continue feeling and being.  i want to work harder to love my decisions because i want them, not because i think others will approve or because it will make someone else happy.  i recognize that in the end, if i feel good about my decisions, then that is what is best for myself and my family.  i want to follow my own intuition and raise our daughter the way i want to and not because of the way everyone else thinks i should.   i want to be a strong role model for channing and help her feel  secure about the decisions she makes in life - to never fear following her own heart.

i admire my husband an awful lot, for more things than i can count, but especially for his ability to shrug off the opinions of others and make decisions based on who he is and what he truly believes in.  i have been so in awe of him on numerous occasions for having this trait.  i am ready to work harder on this - to let go of the fear of being wrong or judged, to accept that others may not like my decisions but the ones who are truly special to me will love me and stick by me even when they don't agree.